27 July, 2007

My worst nightmare

I am trying to think about how to write this one. I could create suspense and then give you the big story. Or I could do it like Jeopardy, and say something like:

A: Red Beans and Rice

Q: What is the staple food of indiginous people living in villages outside of Machupichu?
I'm gonna just tell the story chronologically, while leaving out some details that will ruin my story.

So, the other day, not really sure which day it was, I went to bed, or maybe I woke up, I don't know. But it was when I was in bed. I heard rain. And I thought, "Hm... I guess it's raining". This happened a couple of times. Then this morning, or maybe yesterday morning, I heard rain again. It was strange because when I left for work, the ground was not wet, so it seemed peculiar. But it is one of those things you forget.

This morning, I wake up and I hear rain. And I get out of bed, and open the blinds, and see that it is sunny outside. Okay. I'm half asleep so it doesn't really register and I go about my morning business. It's a beautiful day outside I can see. As I am getting dressed, I come back to my bedroom, and I am putting away some laundry in my sock drawer.

And I hear rain.

And then I realize...

(get ready for Bob's Worst Nightmare... it's coming right now)

(are you ready for it?)

It's not rain.

It's bees.

Yellow jackets.

Probably thousands of them.

In the wall.

How do I know this?

Because last week, I had a friend over. I don't even remember who it was, but we went out on the back porch and noticed that there were a large number of yellow jackets flying to a nest that looked like it was up against the side of the house - though we didn't really inspect because we didn't want to get too close. I mentioned it to the landlord and he was supposed to deal with it. But he forgot. Because he "has a one track mind" (he used those words).

So it is looking, or should I say, sounding like they are not ON the house, but IN the house. This is a serious issue. He says he's gonna spray the hole where they enter, and then block it up. But what I want to know is will this kill them, or will they retreat further into the house. And start coming out of places like plug outlets, ceiling lights, air vents. Because if that happens, I will be sleeping on someone's couch right up until the moment that I find a new place to live.

See, I have beephobia. Yes it is true. I have an irrational fear of bees. Actually, it has improved in the past 5 years or so, as have a lot of things in my life. I used to be terrified to the point of breaking a sweat if there was a bee in the room. Now I just moan and complain a little bit, so I think it is improvement. But I am not sure what I will do if this HIVE of yellow jackets begins egressing into my living space (and as a footnote, I will acknowledge that yellow jackets are NOT bees, they are wasps, and they are actually far more dangerous and tenacious than any bee).

Mark, the landlord, doesn't seem too worried. And I guess this does not surprise me since the bees will not be in HIS living space.

What are they doing in there anyway that sounds like rain? Are they eating the wood? Are they moving around little pebbles? Are they mating? I have no fucking clue. And I don't like it one bit.

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