02 August, 2007

Nightmare revisited

I did some more thinking about my interpretation of the dream... I am not sure if it is that I am my father. I think it's that I can't let go of that judging, warning voice that is my father. It was with me for so many years, that it took on a life of its own. And now whenever I do anything remotely risky, or different, or excessive, I hear that voice criticizing and warning, and making helpful suggestions. And sometimes you just can't listen to that voice anymore. So maybe my interpretation is that for some reason or other that voice inside must be very loud right now. But what is it warning me about? I don't even know. I have an idea. But I really can't say. Actually, I am pretty sure I know what it is (there I go again!). Haven't talked much in my blog about my past, and I am not sure if I will do it or not, out of respect for those who are a part of it, who might not want their or my story spread all over the internet. But let's just say that elements of my past might have resulted in my Dad's voice (or my voice, as the case may be) having lots of loud warnings to issue about spiderwebs and dangers and risks and disasters that could lie ahead. But it's really irrational. I am thinking about taking a canoe out on Green Lake, and the voice is giving me the report about 14 foot squalls on the open sea. Maybe you see where I'm going with it. Maybe you don't. But I guess it just sort of makes sense. And maybe my screaming in the dreaming was just having reached a point where I want it to stop because it's stressing me out. But what if I'm supposed to listen? Because remember I said that my Dad (and also I) get most angry when our ideals or actions are being challenged or questioned. So maybe the more wrong I am, the louder I yell? Or maybe the more right I am, the louder I yell? I don't know. Maybe there's no rules.

No comments:

Post a Comment