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08 September, 2007

It's all fucking good

Yes. This is my favorite expression:

"It's all good!"

No, it fucking isn't. If you say that to me, I will scratch your face. The thing about IAG (as i will refer to it, because the mere seeing of those words causes me rage), is that people say it in a few particular contexts, and it is applicable/honest/tolerable in none of them.

For example. Scenario 1. I just drank 6 24-ounce cans of Foster's and then I backed over my neighbor's pitbull. My neighbor, Earl, is sitting on lawn furniture on his FRONT lawn - and by "lawn furniture" I mean a plaid polyester sofa that has a squirrel's nest in the back of it. Earl, seeing his dog's cerebrospinal fluid running down the gravel driveway (he doesn't think "CSF" when he sees this fluid - he thinks "Dog Juice"), and Earl says to me "Man, you really got him! Well, IT'S ALL GOOD. Buster was getting old anyway, and I done didn't want to take him to the vet for that head of cauliflower he had growing out of his shoulder anyway.

In that case, I don't know if the use of IAG is ironic, wistful, or just completely recited by the pullstrings of evil aliens who enjoy manipulating the minds of the vapid.

Scenario 2. Chad played tight end for the Washington State Cougars in 1994, and is now only 100 pounds heavier than the 235 that he weighed in his senior year during which he set the school record for catching 57 passes for 1120 yards. He is at the Jack in the Box drive-thru in Fife, where he now lives with his wife (Steffy) and their 3 kids (Zach, Zack, and Kortneigh). (please note that they do not LIVE at the Jack in the Box - I realize the sentence was a bit stilted, but that would just be SILLY). So he orders his 3 Bacon Deluxes, and an order of fries. The headset princess on the other end of the line, Katelynne, says "do you want regular fries, or curly fries"? Chad says, "Oh, I don't know. Curly, I guess... IT'S ALL GOOD".

Grrr... at least in this case, there is the slight possiblity that he means, "I don't mind, I like both". But for some reason, I still think the evil aliens have concocted this IAG phrase to take the place of the simpler, more 80's, more edgy "Whatever" that worked well for so long.

I don't really have anything else to say about the IAG. You probably thought I was going somewhere with it. But I just needed to get it off my chest, after seeing it posted on someone's MySpace profile.

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