05 March, 2008

How long will it take to sink in [Repost from Facebook]

Location: in the 'hood
Mood: satisfied
So… I am a homeowner.
The funny thing is that I cannot even say that sentence without immediately jumping to the technicality… the caveat… the utter truth… which is that I am not a homeowner. I am a mortgage payer. It is GMAC Financing that is presently the homeowner.
I know. It’s a technicality. A caveat. But it is my little “out” that keeps me from completely absorbing the enormity of the fact that I will not have a landlord again soon. And thank you for that.
It is very strange to me. I feel a bit immature, being almost 40 and only now coming to this position for the first time. But it is so weird that this is MY place. I can do what I want. And I make the decisions about it. Even with Edna, we were always in collaborative decision-making, which sometimes was more efficient and sometimes less so. But I understand now why for some decisions, even though Edna and I were a couple, Edna felt “ownership” of the decision. Because there is something about it - knowing that it’s your “thing” on the line.
I had to do a lot of gyrations to make it happen, and made some changes in my life. Got rid of a car. Sold a long-term investment. Shuffled around all sorts of money. But I never doubted it. I never felt like “Am I really doing the right thing?”. It was pretty clear, and pretty natural that this was the right thing. And that is surprising to me.
It was impulsive.
I usually take a long time to make most decisions. And then I second guess them to death, as well. But I went out with the realtor (the same realtor that Edna and I used back in 2000) only TWICE. For a total of about 4 hours. And probably saw a total of about 12-16 houses and townhomes. All of them were located between Central District and I-90. And that was all I needed to see. When I found this place, the location was phenomenal. The price was good (and negotiable). And the quality of the home was better than anticipated.
I don’t know what it means that I operated in a manner different from my usual. But I’m not judging it or second guessing it. Just glad to be here.
The money mess that I thought was *worse* than I had expected may now turn out to be *better* than I had feared. The landlord seems to have found someone to rent for half of March - so there’s a chunk of money back. And there seems like there may be some type of beneficial outcome with respect to the refrigerator situation at my new place (stay tuned for separate blog on that one).
Now it’s all about moving things out of boxes… setting up… decorating… stocking the place with the necessities… but there’s no hurry. I’m not on a lease.
It’s strange. But I like it. I feel like I am trying on someone else’s life, though. How long will that feeling last?

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