26 April, 2008

Listening to my gut...

Location: my gut
Mood: skeptical

Not too long ago, I posted a blog talking about listening to one's gut when making decisions. And I cannot recall if I wrote another blog, or if it was the same one, that talked about the valuation of self topic. Well, I am coming back to that one, because I don't feel done with it.

I don't really want to tell a story right now. I just want to ask a bunch of rhetorical questions. Okay?

What if your gut changes its mind?
What if your gut tells you something without having all the relevant information?
How can you tell the difference between "valuation of self" and "others' valuation of self"?

I have always had a hard time deciding things without performing some type of poll of my friends. And our friends do look out for what they believe is best for us, given their knowledge of us, and their knowledge of our situations, as we describe them.

I feel like this entire thing is me writing to try to justify my actions. I am boring myself again. This was a better blog when I was writing about memories. How can I make this more interesting to either myself, or you, or both of us? I don't know.

Okay. So, I made a decision, based on information I had, and based on a "gut feeling" of sorts. But in hindsight, I made all sorts of massive discoveries. First of all, I have come to realize that emotional matters that were pressing me probably caused me to be unclear myself about all things, including perception of information, assessment of "gut feeling", and ability to process my environment. Furthermore, these discoveries provided an entirely new insight that caused me to need to rethink everything that led me up to where I am now.

Why am I explaining myself to you? It's like I want your approval here. I am not asking for it, and in fact, if you started giving me approval, or disapproval, or anything, I would probably be put off by it a bit. I don't even think I need convincing myself. Ah... maybe I do. I don't know. The quandary I am having is that I was sure of my decision, and now I am almost equally sure of the opposite decision.

This is weak. How can anyone read this with so little information.

I am tired. Going to sleep. I am pissed off at myself right now, because I want to write everything about this, but I feel like it's crossing a line of privacy. Both my own, and others'. I really want to tell you about it. But I cannot. Yet. Or maybe ever. Is there any way this can be discussed in constructive manner?

I feel really tired. I should have been writing this earlier, in a more coherent state of mind. But since that is not my case, fuck it for now. Apologies. And promises to write something more worth your minutes next time.


  1. personally, i find my gut is only capable of telling me whether or not I'm hungry. but that could explain something about me. i prefer to listen to my brain on other issues. ;)

    (and my friends)

  2. You can only make decisions based on the information you have available at the time, whether it's your gut, your brain or your friends who have the information. If new information comes up that directly contradicts the information you had at first? It doesn't make you a flip flopper to reverse your decision.