05 June, 2008

Cheese blintzes and procrastination

Location: nana's recipes
Mood: aggravated

I don't think I am capable of preparing proper blintzes. You probably don't even know what blintzes are, so I should give you a photo to which you can refer during this discussion.

These are blintzes. They are in a frying pan. They are basically comprised of a crepe filled with a couple of types of cheese. And then fried. And it is Jewish food. And they are good. They originate from a Russian dish called "Blin" (which I had when Larissa was making them, and they're similar to blintzes but not the same).

And I like them.

Nana used to make them. Nana was my father's mother, and her real name was Sarah. And she died back in 1987. I think my mother's mother also made them, but was not famous for them like Nana was. And I think it may be the case that the wisdom of the blintz has died along with my Nana.

Several years ago, I got the recipe from my mother, and I made them. This was back when I was with Edna. The recipe came out tasting pretty much correct. But the consistency was not right - the filling was a bit too wet, and when frying the blintzes, they got runny and began leaking out the ingredients. I had a mini-tantrum, and vowed that I would never make them again as long as I lived.

Well, I decided to try again this week because there had been conversation about a Trader Joe's item called "Mintz's Blintzes" which apparently are good, but they're vegan, which means they don't have real cheese in them. To me, that was blasphemous. A few years ago, Trader Joe's had REAL blintzes as well, but they discontinued that item, because Trader Joe's true goal as a company is to systematically get us addicted to various items that are only available through them, and then discontinue these items, and apologize profusely and give some bullshit explanation about how they really want to get them back again, but are having problems with the distributor. Whatever. It's a lie. Trader Joe's probably discontinued the item because they bought the company that makes them, and then eliminated the item, because they are trying to control tattooed artsy types across the country. And since I am neither tatooed nor artsy, it is particularly disturbing to me that my life is impacted by their decisions.

But I digress.

So, I decided to try making blintzes again. And this time, I thought I would try a recipe from the internet, because of the difficulties I had with the time I tried Nana's recipe. This recipe should have been suspect from moment #1 because it involved baking them in a 250 degree oven, after the initial preparation, instead of frying them in a pan.

Who uses 250 degree oven? I mean seriously, the sand at Golden Gardens is hotter than 250 degrees on an August afternoon. Why even use an oven? Why not just use a hair dryer?

So I made them. And they were not right. And they sucked. I know that I am being a bit hard on myself, but I know exactly what they are supposed to be like. And these did not resemble in any way the blintzes that Nana made. The crepes had the consistency of more like pancakes, and they were spongy.

I can't even talk about it, or I will become irate all over again.

This time, however, instead of swearing that I will never make them again, I am going the other way. I am going to get this recipe correct if it is the last fucking thing I ever do. Step number one is to go back to Nana's recipe, because that one got me close. They at least looked pretty much right, and tasted spot-on. The only variable there is to get the filling to not run out, and I have some ideas about how to do that.

I am going to make perfect blintzes. And the world will come to my house, and say "GIVE US BLINTZES!! GIVE US BLINTZES!!"

And I will say "Go away, and make your own fucking blintzes".

No offense.


  1. Those ones look pretty fucking good!

  2. The reason why Nana's blintzes didn't turn out right is because you INSISTED on using some revolting nonfat milk or cheese substitute item, AGAINST SOMEONE'S EXPLICIT RECOMMENDATIONS and thus ruined the blintzes. And that is why there was a tantrum, because someone was probably also muttering 'I told you so' while you were eating the inferior blintzes. So just make 'em the way the recipe says and don't go stickin no titanium dioxide or 'healthy' item in there instead.... and forget about the internet recipe.

    I still have the blintz recipe if you need it.

  3. Inman Wheelright06 June, 2008 04:47

    That's right, Edna. Don't you let Mick pull a fast one on you...don't ever skimp on the ingredients, and if the recipe is from the age before non-fat this and low-cal that, then by God stick to the basic stuff. Raising the chickens and cows yourself also adds to it, but raises the activation barrier somewhat.

    Also, maybe lightening up on the wet ingredients or adding a smidge more of the dry ones (if the wet ones are quantified in units like eggs, etc.) will reduce the propensity towards runniness.

    Just a thought. Chemistry is a lot like cooking, so I guess I enjoy both to some extent. But the only heat source used for cooking I like to be around in the summertime is the grill and whatever heats up water for coffee. Happy summer, Edna!