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06 June, 2008

How long to boil corn on the cob...

Location: the internets
Mood: thoroughly entertained

BUTT MUNCH DECIDED TO REMOVE HIS PAGE, SO ALL MY PHOTOS HAVE DISAPPEARED. YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON ANYMORE. AND THEREFORE THIS BLOG WILL CEASE TO BE FUNNY. BUT IN CASE HE DECIDES TO PAY HIS COMCAST BILL AND IT REAPPEARS, I WILL LEAVE THE LINK HERE.

You honestly cannot believe how many websites there are that tell you how to prepare corn on the cob. I am so amused, I am thinking of making my own spoof version. It would go something like this (inspired by this website):

Step 1: Take a photograph of a teflon coated pot. Gaze at it for about an hour.




Step 2: Select the two most pathetic ears of corn you can possibly find.




Step 3: Arrange corn in a standard "Revolutionary Cannon" conformation for display.




Step 4: Consult Dumbledore's pensieve for further instructions.




Step 5: Drop corn into the pensieve being careful not to hit anyone on the head.




Step 6: After a complex mathematical process whereby the cooking rate of the corn is computed using a least squares algorithm based on the average weight-to-volume ratios of each ear, remove the cooked corn from the pensieve (if abacus unavailable, 2-30 minutes is a good "ballpark" - any more specific timing would require chromatographic analysis of the cob).




Step 7: Dress as you see fit. I recommend overalls and a John Deere hat.




Step 8: Prepare corn for launching.




Step 9: Let corn sit until large colonies of white mold begin forming on serving dish.




Step 10: Stop for a moment to admire Jennifer Connelly.




Step 11: Eat corn.

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