20 July, 2008

The Mariners versus... me!

Location: safeco field
Mood: finding the good in it

Well, I routinely say "I am never going to see the Mariners again". I think I say it at least once a year. And for the past few years, I have gone to exactly one game per season - each time making the same proclamation. But somehow, I keep resetting the "Meter O' Disgust" just long enough to go one more time. I have written before about why I don't like going to the stadium. But the reality is that time spent outdoors with close friends is never something to skip. Because that is worth doing again and again, even if it happens in the price gouging context of corporate athletics.

It is killing me not to start my usual rant. I mean it. I am even ready to rationalize that maybe some of you haven't seen the older blog, and that you will be entertained to listen to me bitch about baseball and professional sports, and how every pore of my sensibility is offended by every stimulus that bombards me at places such as Safeco Field.

I will try not to go down that route. But I will say that it offends me that much more that all of these things that bother me anyway are all happening in the name and support of the worst team in baseball. People keep paying. People keep going. People keep clapping.

One of the ways Seattle is not as good as Boston. If this were the Red Sox, people would not be clapping. They would be booing. Daily. And they would be demanding the heads of the players and the managers and the owners. But not in Seattle. People are happy to go and watch the worst team in baseball get paid millions of dollars, while they sit in the stands and eat a one ounce piece of Ivar's Deep Fried Batter for a low, low price of $9.00. Unless you want fries. Then it will be $16.00.

See. I couldn't do it. The rant is just bleeding out of me. I must confess, it is one of my favorite complaining topics. It mixes so many things. Southerners, republicans (since most baseball players are), religious people (since most baseball players are), uneducated people (since most baseball players are), spoiled millionaires who cannot even fulfill a simple duty of role model (since most baseball players are).

Please get me a tourniquet. This rant will bleed my dry, giggling and spouting forth vitriol.

There are all the usual enragements, including such items as:
  • The cheering drum machine that tells us how to stomp our feet and when
  • The cartoon hydroplane races on the big board, to which people are giving each other high fives when they pick the right boat, as if it is some type of accomplishment
  • The rubbish trivia about the players, and their stupid goateed photos on the scoreboard
  • The way the players trot around the field like dressage horses
There was a special one this time, though, which actually amused me, more than annoyed me.

Examine the following image, which appeared on the scoreboard at the end of every inning, up to and including the 6th inning:

Yeah. So what? Why am I posting this boring photo?

Well, I am posting it because the Mariners were playing THE INDIANS.

Okay. I am done with my rant.

In the end, I had a very nice time with friends. And I cannot promise that I won't do it again next year. Only next time, I hope our Mariners lose.

Final score: Seattle 8, Cleveland 2, Integrity 0


  1. If you're ever in the mood to punish yourself twice in one year, the partners at my work buy season tickets to give away to employees. The only problem? I can't even beg people to take them. They go to waste. There are about four employees who enjoy the games and everyone else treats me like I'm asking them to help me move when I tell them they've won a particular weekend.

  2. why doesn't this blog have a whole string of labels/tags, also?