01 July, 2008

No, I have not been kidnapped and replaced with an anti-matter clone

Location: Jared's room
Mood: disbelief

I am not going to tell you who Jared is, and that way, I don't need to protect his anonymity. But in Jared's room, I saw something that is leading me to now type something, which will likely lead you to believe that I have been replaced with an anti-matter clone. But rest assured that is not the case.

What I saw was this:

And what happened is that my mind immediately exploded, as did all of my perceptions of realities that I had previously believed to be immutable. Without a doubt, the item that I show above represents what I consider to be the most futuristic-looking and appealing piece of consumer technology that I have ever observed.

Do you hear me?

Remember who this is, right? I am a classic Apple basher. And for years, I would have given absolutely anything to have a sledgehammer and a PowerMac G3 running OS9 in a large open field so that I could go "Office Space" on it.

For so many years, I have found it not only unimpressive, but insulting that Apple was making computers that were delivering "cute" to the user. Their machines did not perform particularly well, and I did not even find the look of them to be appealing. I found it an insult to my intelligence that the iMac came in colors like Blueberry, because it took something that I considered "fine the way it is" (i.e. technology), and dumbed it down.

Now, Apple is doing something different. They did it with their iPod (though it has not quite yet compelled me to buy one, because I prefer the simplest, cheapest solution in that realm). They sort of do it with their iPhone. Though, I am far less impressed by the iPhone in its current incarnation. While it does offer visual and tactile appeal, and has quite extensive functionality, it is not as small, or as lightweight as it would need to be to truly "wow" me - there are other phones out there with similar appeal (but not touch screen) that "wow" me as much as the iPhone, at a fraction of the price. That said, I suspect that in the near future, they'll come out with an iPhone that does truly break that barrier of "holy shit, this is amazing". And maybe I just haven't played with one yet enough to fully appreciate it. I know that there are people who just sit and "interact" with their iPhones almost incessantly because it is so engrossing.

But the new iMac... I almost feel it is an insult to put the name "iMac" on it, because of the negative connotation, and the vague sickly memory of needing to "reboot" the older iMacs by sticking a paper clip in the reset button, since there was no other way to recover from OS9 system crashes!

Not only is the computer itself sleek and compelling, but have you seen the keyboard? To me, this new keyboard is the absolute kicker. It is by far the coolest computer peripheral ever to exist. The entire thing is built into a maybe-two-millimeter-thick slab of what looks like brushed aluminum, completely rigid and sturdy. None of this rubbish ergonomic, contoured, oversized keys bullshit that have been poisoning typing performance with other manufacturers' keyboards for years.

Have you seen it?

I am going to show you not one, but two photos of this keyboard, because you really need to see it from two angles. Check it out:

I really hate to say anything good about Apple, and I am sure I will eventually find something bad to say about them again, but right now... I am feeling a bit dizzy from the excitement.


  1. That keyboard looks awful, BOB! Some of us type like the wind with those big clunky ergonomic models.

  2. It doesn't sound like you have much experience using OS X, but it is a completely different world from the OS 9 days--much like going from Windows 95/98 to XP. You might actually like it.