16 August, 2008

The easiest way to learn about yourself: Part 1

Location: inner space
Mood: estranged

The easiest way to learn about yourself is to reach out and try to learn about others.

I don't know how to write this blog. And if I were trying to be the "good journalist" I would sit in a room by myself and figure it out, and then serve you a finished product of 600 words or less. And I do try doing that as much as possible, lately. But sometimes a blog is about the process, not the result. And I don't know how to write this eloquently, so I'd rather just give you something - even if it is just my disorganized thoughts.

I have learned some things about myself lately, and interestingly to me, these things have all been learned in the context of my attempts to learn about others, or my attempts to reach out to others, or my reactions to others actions. And I feel like none of what I have learned is particularly positive. Everything was going along smoothly, at least it seemed. And then a period of stress, followed by a smattering of interactions among my circle of friends, and suddenly everything feels reshuffled and back to being confused again.

But it makes me wonder if maybe the reality is that these walls were always made of plaster, and no matter how much drywall and patching compound and Behr Premium paint I try to apply, eventually a tremor will occur that shakes it all down, revealing the rough and unmanageable surface of my true identity.

This is not a good day for writing about this topic. I am cutting, and typing, and cutting again.

I will continue this later. Excuse the literary train wreck.

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