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26 December, 2008

More time in "The Office" than in *the office*

Due partly to the circumstances of extreme weather over the last 7 days, and partly due to a complete detour into the insomniac land of streaming Netflix, I have spent more hours watching "The Office" lately than I have spent at my actual physical workplace. In fact, the number of hours I have been in the physical workplace has been exactly zero. In contrast, the episodes of "The Office" that I have watched in the past week would probably amount to something in the ballpark of 14 hours.

While this is all incredibly riveting trivia, the more important point is that I seem to be slowly drifting out of phase with reality, and into some alternate universe, where Pam and Dwight are real people. I feel the emotions of their situations. I eagerly await whatever will occur next. Will Angela forgive Dwight? What will happen with Jim and Pam? Like an addiction, I keep pressing "Next" at the end of each episode, rather than doing the prudent thing, which would be to go up to the loft and go to sleep. I am avoiding sleep. 

It's a strange form of insomnia, this. I have never had difficulty falling asleep, and that has not changed now. But I have often had difficulty going to sleep. Is that even "insomnia"? Or is it something else? I don't know. Why do I not want to sleep? Perhaps it is the dreams. I sleep, and I have no ability to control the dreams that populate my unconscious. There is no press secretary for the recesses of the mind. Whatever voice wishes to speak steps forward and issues forth its myriad alerts, temptations, guilt-trips, metaphors -- you name it. I cannot control the sleep. And I do not particularly enjoy what it brings. I spend the day, with a little help from my friends, managing the message. Placing myself in a positive frame of reference. Trying to be "okay". And then I go to sleep. And magically, I awaken the next morning, shaken and uncertain, and once again in need of the same "reprogramming". 

This is nothing new. You've heard it before. I've said it before. 

The irony is that the less sleep I have, as a result of this sleep avoidance, the more bizarre the dreams become, and the more affected I feel in the waking hours, and the less receptive I am to efforts to balance the system. 

Scary thought is that in exactly one week, I will be in Boston. Three hours ahead. If I do not correct this time shift before then, I will be awake until sunrise. I do not want that. Something must be done soon to recalibrate.

But there are only 12 episodes of "The Office" left.

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