20 January, 2009

Proof that there may be a malevolent God

Everyone must do laundry, no?

One of the things that is great about doing laundry is that when it is done, you can wear all your favorite clothes again. And for me, one of my little idiosyncrasies is a preference for particular socks. There are some socks that I really love. So, of course, I want to wear those first. Though, there is a rank order of preference, and sometimes I will wear my second favorite pair straight out of the laundry, and save the first one, so that I have something to look forward to later in the week. Likewise, there are socks that I despise. I do not throw them away because you can never have too many socks. But I would rather wear my favorite socks dirty than put some of these ugly and uncomfortable pairs on my feet.

But here is where I find my evidence for a malevolent God.

As I go through the laundry basket, invariably, I do not find my favorite pair of socks. Instead, what I find is the following: I will find, sequentially, one sock from each pair of socks that I own, before finding a single pair. And often, the first sock that I find is one of my favorite ones, giving me false hope for a quick score. That's clearly something that an extremely diabolical deity would do. After finding one of every pair, I will need to dig around, and eventually I will start locating the matching socks. But, because of these evil forces creating havoc under the guise of entropy, I will invariably locate the matching pair of my most hated socks first (a pair of blue wool socks that are too tight and do not stay up well). And then, proceeding in reverse order from least to most favorite, I discover each additional match. The time between discoveries grows increasingly longer, with a large jump right after I find the dark brown ones that look like dark chocolate, and aren't that soft, but are almost tolerable. And forget about finding the blue splotchy ones (favorite), or the medium green #1 or medium green #2 splotchy ones (second and third favorite). When I finally do get through all the discoveries, hours later, I always have one final roadblock, because medium green #1 and medium green #2 are so similar, that I will often put on one of each by mistake, and not notice until I am almost out of the house, and then I need to go back upstairs and fix the problem.

I believe in the laws of nature and physics. Seriously. But I was unaware that the 2nd law of thermodynamics also applied to socks, though I suppose it's reasonable. Socks are made of chemicals.

But it is not entropy causing this wild sock chase to occur. It is something sinister, and willful. Something that believes itself to be powerful and probably fancies itself to be a tad mischievous.

I do not bow to this god.

Except, insomuch as I need to bend over to go through the socks.

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