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03 January, 2009

See what you want to see. Say what you want to say.

We have no choice but to be subjective. Any assertion otherwise is self-delusion. I am me. I am inside of me. I am viewing the world through my biases and experiences. We have the right to strive towards whatever level of objectivity we desire. But it is an assymptotic endeavor. We'll never get there. It's always coming from inside of self. The efforts that I make towards objectivity do not bring me a whole lot of happiness, I have to say. To make that commitment essentially means trying to see what is, and trying to project what is, to the best of one's ability. But this will not always be favorable, rewarding, or deserving of sympathy. We all have selfish moments, but do we reside in them, or traverse them like a tight squeeze between more spacious caverns in a cave.

To some extent, this endeavor of seeking "what is" is analogous to the concept of "personal responsibility". It takes personal responsibility to not write or rewrite history in one's own favor. Nations don't do it. Companies don't do it. And largely, people don't do it. I am sure that I don't do it, since I fall into at least one of those categories, as far as I know.

Here's the reality (as I see it).

I know (much of) what I have done in this world. You know what you have done. AIG knows what it has done. Pakistan knows what it has done. To a large extent, that self-awareness exists. And if I choose to malign, exclude, modify, euphemize, or perform any other alteration of "what is", then I may do a short-term service to myself. But in the long run, it all comes around. And self-delusion is like running down an infinite hallway full of mirrors. The truth is always there, and unless we run for ever, and never look left or right, we're eventually going to see it. Self-discovery and self-improvement stand a greater chance if we choose to stop in this hallway, face the mirror, and accept who we are, and what we've done, and the full context and reality of it.

I don't know that we're capable of doing that at all, or constantly, or temporarily. I don't really know anything. I am not sure if I *think* I am looking in the mirror, but I am actually running, and dreaming of mirrors that show me what I want to see. It's hard to know. But one step toward this is asking the question, "Am I looking in the mirror, or am I running?"

That has to be worth something, doesn't it?

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