22 June, 2009

The Magic of Diet Mountain Dew

This has nothing to do with Salzburg, but I am also trying to fill in some of the topics that have been rattling around in my belfry for the past week or so, when I was too busy to write.

So, let me tell you about the magic of Diet Mountain Dew. It's really quite magical. It probably represents one of the few, truly guilt-free pleasures to be had in this life. It is very sweet. It has caffeine, plenty of it. It hydrates you (albeit, with the additional unnecessary large dose of sodium). And it is radioactive green in color. What could be better?

I was drinking a lot of caffeine for awhile, via coffee. And the thing about coffee, is that it can start to make you feel horrible. And it also, without a doubt, can have ill effects on one's teeth and breath. And to make the coffee truly a pleasurable experience, I need to add dairy of some sort, and sugar, of a large sort. And the artificial sweeteners for coffee just do not work.

Enter Diet Mountain Dew.

I realize that the same artificial sweeteners are in this, as in whatever artificial thing I would be putting in coffee, but for some reason, the overall chemical composition of Diet Mountain Dew is far more tolerant to a splash of Phenylalanine than any other beverage. Even Diet Coke, and Diet Pepsi pale in comparison.

So now, I have decided to enjoy the great guiltless pleasure of Diet Mountain Dew once or twice a day. There are a few downsides to this, potentially. First, there is the whole recycling thing. I am going through these aluminum cans. That's probably not so great. And also, so I have heard, Mountain Dew, presumably of any variety, has a potential to cause such things as kidney stones, perhaps due to the carbonate, if consumed in large enough quantities. I would rather be shot with a harpoon than have a kidney stone.

So maybe it's not so guilt-free after all.


1 comment:

  1. Groan. Mountain Dew (Diet or otherwise) is absolutely disgusting. It is a product which should be removed from the planet. Enough said.