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25 February, 2012

Westbound and...

Is it up?

East was supposedly down. So, then, is West up? Is North South? What is real?

I dreaded the trip home (as usual). But also, as usual, it was much better than expected, and I leave Boston wondering where I belong. Wondering "Where is home?" I felt a connection with family. Close family. Distant family. Old family. Young family. There are people who need me. There are people who just like me.

Pizza costs half as much... the roads are not straight... the accents are not neutered... your friends challenge you, but you don't need to worry if that means they won't like you anymore...

The East Coast, for all my fear around it, and all the heaviness of the past, and family, is still my home. And I talk about the East Coast as being so dark and nebulous, but the fact is, I have had my share of trauma, drama, and instability on the West Coast too. It's not been a walk down the primrose path.

The problem with the East Coast may be that it pulls at me. It makes me wonder what I am doing out here. It makes me question my priorities.

The allure of the West may be that it is safe... remote... disconnected. Can I be connected here?

Or is home where the heart is?

Fuck if I know...

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